Mormon Vampires

I guess Vampire mania has hit a zenith. This week I saw an article in "The Jewish Journal" entitled, "Why Jews Aren't Vampires." It was clever and quite funny. It also got me thinking about Mormons, and whether or not they (we) as a people fit the vampire mold. My verdict?Mormons are the ideal candidates for the blood thirsty job. Let me expound...

Immortality- Hey, if ever there was a trait Mormons could get behind, I think it's this one. Living forever in physical perfection? Tell me two groups of people who understand this better than Mo's and Nosferatu?

Plural Marriage- Maybe it's only a myth, but I have always understood Dracula to have had multiple wives (Brides of Dracula). Further, wasn't it always the goal of the Count to have great posterity? To be the god of an undead world?

Proselyting- Mormons are constantly looking to grow the fold. Proclaim the gospel, convert, bring others into the light. Sure they don't go so far as to physically harm their intended recruits, literally sucking the life out of them (though some detractors may disagree). But their efforts are no less intense or sincere. Presumably Mormons have been much more successful than their bat-related friends, based on the rapid growth of the church, but hey, Vampires only come out at night and keep their activities on the down-low, so there's really no way to tell.

Half Days- Admittedly a stretch, but this is one of those things where the two groups are so different, they are similar. Vampires are exclusively nocturnal. This goes without saying since they allegedly die if exposed to sunlight. Mormons on the other hand are exclusively Diurnal. They don't do nights. They work all day, and then go home to their families at night. No clubs or late night parties. The spirit goes to bed when the temple lights go out.

Detractors- I realize that recently they have gotten some good press, but Vampires generally are not thought of well. Plenty of haters remain, either because they are sick of Vampire popularity, or for more traditional reasons (you know, because they are scary blood sucking monsters). Mormons also have come into a better light recently. Running for president, a few pretty favorable documentaries; the LDS have come a long way in the last few years. This fact aside, there are still plenty of groups who do not wish the church nor its members well. But don't worry, no unhallowed hand...

There you go, Mormons and Vampires, unlikely kindred spirits.